The unfortunate truth is that we never stay with our first love (the percentage that does is too small). It is an unattainable dream for most. When we feel love for the first time we have an intense rush of feelings, hard to control. We are too young and inexperienced to know how to handle these new feelings. The majority of people fall in love young immediately becoming completely blind to everything else. Although some people do find it older this doesn’t protect them because they are still inexperienced. To date someone you don´t love does not teach how to date or handle things when you are in love. The sad truth is that we will never forget our first love, it will always be a small pain that doesn’t leave.
Your first love will always be an internal utopia
With every person we date we leave a mark. A mark is the creation of a bridge and through this bridge pieces of you will travel to the other side. When you break up you have left your mark but can´t have those pieces back. The pieces of you are all the truths you reveled about yourself, when you had the courage to share your mind, your thoughts, your laughs and an intimacy that only love can provide. All this leaves a mark in that person, your mark. To be able to imprint this mark you give a bit of yourself. When things are over a part of your story is gone.
What happens when the story ends?
After everything is over, after the feelings are nearly all gone that person is forgotten. Most of the people never really care again about an ex but their story has a piece that is broken. There is a piece of your life that happened with someone you don´t talk to, an intimacy you can never get back but most of all a you that you will never see again. The idea of having someone special in your life and then let them vanish without even wanting contact is quite scary. We lose parts of our stories however most of all we lose parts of ourselves, who we were, our memories and all we have shared. Loosing someone has a heavy weight because you are not losing one person you are losing two, them and you.
You can never collect the lost parts again
After a while, even if you just have few ex´s you realize that there has been so much sharing, touch, passion, smiles, intimacy and loss all leading to disgust. You have lost so many parts of yourself that you can never get back. As the numbers increase the whole experience becomes revolting. The experience of sharing a profound growth that afterwards will turn into having to suffer such a fragile personal loss. When I refer the loss of yourself I talk about who you are with that person, with that person a part of you changes therefore when they are gone you can´t get that part back. I guess sometimes you cry not only for the loss of a partner but also for your own loss.
We share ourselves with trust, loosing it all filled with fear.
We repeat this because even if the loss is terrible, love is incredible.
It only needs to work once.
