Dear ex best friend,
For so many years you were my emergency contact. When something amazing happened to me, I would immediately call you. When I was fighting my demons you were always my ally. We knew everything about each other… our darkest wishes and strongest desires.
You are still so important to me even though you vanished. I wish you knew that…. I wish you knew you left with a part of me. I feel so broken.
Are relationships this fragile?
I feel like my constant in life was actually a timed betrayal from a temporary in disguise. I didn’t want to lose you…. How is this normal?
How can someone that was so in sync with you become a stranger?
I know you so well… I used to do little things to make you happy. I was so thoughtful about the way I told you things because I knew you and your reactions. I had the ice cream ready for the breakups, the long texts well thought for your birthday and I always tried to predict your needs.
I want to call, to see you but I can´t. How can something that once was so strong break? There is no training to handle these painful memories. I have a question for you, am I just a stranger or am I a regret? We invested so much together and now it´s all gone because of a wrong decision. I felt it was all gone in our last conversation. We both said so much. We cried, we yelled we were controlled by pain. Was it worth it? Was it worth it to say what we said? The truth is my mind is a battle between wanting to forgive you and the echo of all you told me in repeat. I want to hug you and say I am sorry. I want to yell at you because I lost the ability to trust. I lost a bit of myself. You built parts of me so if you are gone then pieces of the puzzle are gone…
How is this normal? How is saying goodbye something I am supposed to be able to handle?
This is like growing up in a beautiful home, you fill it with memories, laughs, stories transforming this into your safe spot. One day your family finds a new home but it doesn´t have the same to offer. Every time you pass by your old house, you see people or just the lights on that open a big void inside you. I miss home.
Some time has passed since I last heard your voice… was that fight worth this? All I have to say is I hope you are well. I hope someone helps you when you are scared of romance, I hope someone hugs you when you cry and I hope you will think about me sometimes.
